“I’m rubbish at everything.”
“There’s nothing I’m actually good at.”
“What’s the point? I’ll only be bad at it.”
“I don’t want to try.”
If you have a teenager at home, you may have heard one of those statements before.
And as a parent, your natural reaction is probably:
“Of course you’re good at things!”
So you start listing them.
“You’re good at school.”
“You’re funny.”
“You’re kind.”
“You’re good at football.”
“You're great at drawing.”
But sometimes they just shrug their shoulders.
They don't believe you.
And that can be difficult to watch.
The important thing to understand is that telling a teenager they are brilliant and helping them believe they are capable are not always the same thing.
Confidence cannot be forced into somebody.
Very often, it needs to be built.
Why Does My Teenager Think They Aren't Good at Anything?
The teenage years can be brutal for comparison.
At school, somebody gets better grades.
Somebody is faster.
Somebody is better at football.
Someone has more followers.
Someone seems more confident.
Someone is already talking about university, careers or what they want to do with their life.
And meanwhile your teenager may be sitting there wondering:
“What am I actually good at?”
Social media can make that comparison even harder because teenagers rarely see everybody else's boring days, mistakes and failures.
They see the finished result.
The winning photo.
The perfect body.
The exam result.
The holiday.
The trophy.
The highlight reel.
They don't see the hundreds of attempts that came beforehand.
Over time, a teenager can start measuring themselves against everybody else's strongest qualities while focusing almost entirely on their own weaknesses.
YoungMinds notes that low self-esteem in young people can show through negative comments about themselves, comparison with others, avoiding activities, withdrawing socially and being reluctant to attempt something new.
But that does not mean every teenager having a bad week has a serious problem.
Confidence naturally goes up and down.
The question is:
How do we help them start collecting evidence that they are capable?
Stop Trying to Convince Them They're Amazing
This might sound strange.
Of course we should encourage our children.
But constant general praise is not always enough.
If your teenager genuinely believes they are not good at anything, repeatedly saying:
“You're amazing.”
“You can do anything.”
“You're the best.”
may simply bounce straight off them.
Instead, make the praise specific.
Instead of:
“You're brilliant.”
Try:
“I noticed you kept going with that even after you got frustrated.”
Instead of:
“You're so talented.”
Try:
“Three weeks ago you couldn't do that. Look at what you can do now.”
Instead of:
“You're really confident.”
Try:
“I saw you speak to those people even though you were nervous.”
Now you are not simply giving them praise.
You are giving them evidence.
That difference matters.
Help Them Find Something That Isn't School
For some teenagers, nearly every measurement of success seems connected to education.
Grades.
Tests.
Homework.
Attendance.
GCSE options.
College.
University.
Career choices.
That's a lot of pressure.
And if a young person doesn't see themselves as particularly academic, it can become very easy for them to start believing:
“Everyone else has something. I don't.”
This is why teenagers benefit from having areas of their lives where success looks different.
That could be:
- Music
- Art
- Drama
- Volunteering
- Coding
- Dance
- Gymnastics
- Martial arts
- Football
- Cooking
- Photography
- Athletics
- Gaming clubs
- Leadership programmes
- Learning an instrument
- Community projects
The activity itself is not the most important part.
What matters is that they find somewhere they can:
learn, improve, belong and contribute.
An extracurricular activity can give teenagers opportunities for exercise, friendships, competence, confidence, teamwork and self-discipline.
Don't Ask: “What Are You Good At?”
Try asking:
“What would you like to get better at?”
That completely changes the conversation.
“What are you good at?” suggests ability is something they either possess or don't possess.
“What would you like to get better at?” suggests ability can be developed.
That's a far healthier starting point.
Your teenager does not need to discover some hidden natural talent.
They need the opportunity to become good at something.
Those are very different things.
Confidence Usually Comes After Starting — Not Before
One of the biggest traps we see is waiting for confidence before doing something.
“I'll join when I'm fitter.”
“I'll try when I know somebody.”
“I'll go when I'm more confident.”
“I don't want everybody watching me.”
But if somebody waits until they feel completely confident before attempting anything new, they may wait forever.
Confidence usually develops in the opposite order.
You try something.
You feel uncomfortable.
You make mistakes.
You come back.
You improve slightly.
You realise nobody laughed at you.
You improve again.
And eventually your brain starts thinking:
“Actually, maybe I can do this.”
That's confidence built through experience.
Give Them Something Difficult Enough to Matter
Young people need victories.
But those victories have to mean something.
If every challenge is made ridiculously easy so they never struggle, there is very little satisfaction when they succeed.
Equally, if the challenge is so difficult that they feel completely overwhelmed, they may simply stop trying.
The sweet spot is somewhere in the middle.
Something that makes them think:
“I'm not sure I can do this.”
Followed eventually by:
“I did it.”
That could be completing a fitness session.
Learning a complicated combination.
Performing on stage.
Running a certain distance.
Passing an assessment.
Speaking in front of people.
Helping somebody younger.
Earning a qualification.
Whatever the activity, those moments create genuine achievement.
And achievement gives confidence something to stand on.
Praise Effort — But Also Let Them See Progress
We often hear:
“It's the taking part that counts.”
And yes, taking part matters.
But teenagers also need to see progress.
If you practise something for months and feel exactly the same as day one, motivation can disappear.
Good activities should contain measurable progression.
That might include:
- Levels
- Qualifications
- Personal bests
- Performances
- Competitions
- Grades
- Responsibilities
- Leadership roles
- Technical skills
- Fitness goals
- Belt progression
There needs to be a reason to think:
“I'm further ahead than I was three months ago.”
At ASBBA Martial Arts, for example, teenagers follow structured karate and kickboxing development rather than random sessions.
Students work through technical skills, fitness, controlled sparring, assessments and belt progression.
Every belt has to be earned.
That matters because when somebody eventually achieves it, nobody can simply tell them:
“You only got that because your coach likes you.”
They know they put the work in.
Find the Right Environment, Not Just the Right Activity
Sometimes a teenager doesn't dislike sport.
They disliked the environment they experienced sport in.
Maybe they hated being picked last.
Maybe they felt embarrassed in PE.
Maybe the loudest or most confident children dominated everything.
Maybe they tried a club where everyone already seemed advanced.
Maybe they simply never felt that they belonged.
So don't just ask:
“What activity should my teenager do?”
Also ask:
“What environment would help my teenager grow?”
Look for:
- Positive role models
- Clear expectations
- Supportive coaches
- Opportunities to progress
- People around their age
- A culture where beginners are accepted
- Challenges without humiliation
- Opportunities to take responsibility
- A group where effort matters
Belonging is important.
Current Birmingham youth initiatives are placing particular emphasis on confidence, resilience, positive enrichment and belonging for young people.
Why Positive Role Models Matter During the Teenage Years
Teenagers naturally begin becoming more independent from their parents.
That is normal.
And sometimes advice coming from Mum or Dad is received very differently from exactly the same advice coming from a coach, teacher or mentor.
That's why positive adults outside the family can become incredibly valuable.
A good coach can reinforce messages around:
- Effort
- Discipline
- Respect
- Consistency
- Responsibility
- Handling disappointment
- Turning up even when motivation is low
- Treating other people properly
It doesn't replace the parent.
It gives the teenager another positive adult reinforcing similar values.
Help Them Become Useful to Other People
Another way teenagers can develop confidence is by realising:
“I have something to offer.”
That's why leadership opportunities can be so powerful.
Helping a younger student.
Setting equipment up.
Welcoming somebody new.
Demonstrating something they've learned.
Volunteering.
Taking responsibility.
Suddenly the teenager who believed they weren't particularly good at anything becomes the person somebody else is looking to for help.
That creates a completely different identity.
At ASBBA we have pathways for students who want to develop beyond simply attending class, including leadership development and opportunities to progress towards helping and instructing.
It gives young people somewhere else to grow.
Not everyone needs to become an instructor.
But learning that other people can rely on you is a powerful form of confidence.
Don't Compare Their Journey With Somebody Else's
This one applies to parents as well as teenagers.
One child gets their black belt earlier.
Someone gets better GCSE results.
One teenager starts driving before another.
Someone gets a job first.
Someone develops physically earlier.
Someone wins the competition.
There will always be somebody ahead.
And there will always be somebody behind.
Comparison can become endless.
A much healthier question is:
“Are you moving forwards compared with where you were?”
If your teenager couldn't do five press-ups three months ago and can now do twenty, that's progress.
If they used to refuse to speak to new people and now greet somebody when they enter class, that's progress.
If they used to give up after one mistake and now keep trying, that's progress.
If they couldn't perform a technique and can now demonstrate it to somebody else, that's progress.
Those small wins accumulate.
What Martial Arts Can Offer Teenagers
Martial arts isn't the only answer.
And it won't be the right activity for every teenager.
But it has several characteristics that can make it particularly useful for young people who feel they haven't found “their thing” yet.
At ASBBA Martial Arts, teenagers can develop through:
- Clear belt progression
- Sport karate
- Kickboxing
- Fitness development
- Pad work
- Controlled sparring
- Technical challenges
- Personal goals
- Competition opportunities
- Leadership development
- Working with training partners
- Learning from coaches
- Helping newer students
Someone does not need to be naturally athletic to begin.
They do not need previous experience.
They do not need confidence before they walk in.
They start where they are.
Then they work.
“But My Teenager Won't Try Anything”
This can be one of the hardest situations.
You find something.
They say no.
You suggest something else.
No.
You ask what they want to do.
“Nothing.”
Sometimes the fear of trying and failing becomes stronger than the desire to participate.
Instead of forcing a huge commitment, reduce the decision.
Don't ask:
“Do you want to do martial arts for the next three years?”
Ask:
“Would you try one class?”
That's manageable.
If they hate it, you have learned something.
Then try something else.
The important thing is not convincing them that martial arts must be their passion.
The goal is helping them find something where they can begin collecting positive experiences.
Seven Things Parents Can Try This Week
1. Stop asking what they're good at
Ask what they might enjoy becoming better at.
2. Notice specific improvements
Replace vague praise with evidence.
3. Find one activity outside school
It does not need to be academic.
4. Give them some ownership
Offer choices rather than making every decision for them.
5. Don't rescue them from every struggle
Manageable frustration can be part of learning.
6. Help them find positive adults
Coaches, teachers, youth workers and mentors can become valuable influences.
7. Celebrate consistency
Turning up repeatedly deserves recognition, even before the big achievement arrives.
When “I'm Not Good at Anything” May Mean Something More
Parents should also pay attention to the wider picture.
A teenager saying something negative about themselves occasionally is different from a young person who is consistently hopeless, withdrawn or unable to enjoy things they previously liked.
YoungMinds identifies prolonged negative self-talk, social withdrawal, avoiding new experiences and persistent low mood among possible signs that a young person is struggling with self-esteem.
The NHS advises seeking professional support if you have serious concerns or if a young person is feeling low or anxious for a prolonged period. Parents can speak to someone at school or college, a school nurse, SENCO or GP about available support.
Martial arts can be a positive activity.
It is not a substitute for mental-health support when that is what a young person needs.
Teen Martial Arts Classes in Birmingham
ASBBA Martial Arts provides structured karate and kickboxing classes for teenagers aged 12+ across:
Handsworth
St Andrew's Sports & Community Centre
Winson Green
Summerfield Community Centre
Bartley Green
King Edward VI Five Ways
Our Cadets programme focuses on much more than simply learning punches and kicks.
Teenagers work towards:
- Genuine skills
- Fitness
- Discipline
- Confidence
- Resilience
- Responsibility
- Leadership
- Measurable progression
ASBBA's current Cadets & Adults programme is specifically structured around confidence, discipline, physical challenge, positive peers and progressive achievement.
Your Teenager Doesn't Need to Find Their “Talent”
This is probably the message I would most want parents to take away.
Your teenager does not need to suddenly discover that they have some incredible natural gift.
They need opportunities.
They need experiences.
They need challenges.
They need encouragement.
They need people who believe they can improve.
And most importantly, they need the opportunity to prove something to themselves.
Confidence built entirely from somebody else saying:
“You're brilliant.”
can be fragile.
Confidence that comes from thinking:
“That was difficult. I worked at it. And now I can do it.”
is different.
That's something they own.
So if your teenager keeps saying:
“I'm not good at anything…”
don't rush to convince them otherwise.
Help them find something they can start.
Then give them the opportunity to become good at it.
If you'd like your teenager to experience a structured karate and kickboxing class at ASBBA Martial Arts, we welcome complete beginners across Handsworth, Winson Green and Bartley Green.
Come in.
Meet us.
Try the training.
And let them see what they're capable of becoming.
See you in class.
Coach Antonio
ASBBA Martial Arts
Where winners make it happen.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I help a teenager who thinks they're not good at anything?
Start by listening rather than immediately contradicting them. Help them identify something they would like to improve at, encourage manageable new experiences and point out specific evidence of progress rather than relying only on general praise.
Can hobbies improve a teenager's confidence?
Activities can give teenagers opportunities to develop skills, build friendships, experience achievement and feel part of a group. The most important thing is finding an environment where they feel supported and can see genuine progress.
What are good activities for teenagers with low confidence?
There is no single best activity. Options might include martial arts, team sports, drama, volunteering, music, art, fitness, coding or other structured interests. Look for something the teenager is willing to try and that offers achievable progression.
Can martial arts help an unmotivated teenager?
Martial arts can provide structure, physical activity, goals, positive peers and measurable progression. It should not be treated as a cure for low motivation or mental-health difficulties, but it can be a useful positive activity for some teenagers.
Does my teenager need to be fit before starting kickboxing?
No. Beginners can develop fitness progressively through training. They do not need to get fit before starting.
Where can teenagers train martial arts in Birmingham?
ASBBA Martial Arts offers karate and kickboxing for ages 12+ in Handsworth, Winson Green and Bartley Green.
What if my teenager refuses to try anything?
Reduce the commitment. Instead of asking them to choose a long-term hobby, encourage them to try one session or short introductory experience. If that activity is not for them, try something else.
When should I be concerned about my teenager's low confidence?
Seek further support if low self-esteem is persistent or accompanied by significant withdrawal, prolonged low mood, hopelessness, self-harm or loss of interest in things they previously enjoyed. A school professional or GP can help you access appropriate support.